WORLD'S OLDEST LIVING BOY AT HIS EASE, 1956

Be very careful what you're instilling in your kids.
One day they might tell their stories to the world.

INTRODUCTION

Words, language, storytelling... I learned from an early age that these things were powerful-- magical and important. Trying to express myself clearly is a never-ending quest. Leavening observations with humor is almost a compulsion. Here is a collection of rants, eulogies, gripes, fantasies, reminiscences, musings and assorted gushing and whining about a variety of things. Some of them aren't necessarily politically correct or G-rated.

Most of them tend to reflect my rather cynical take on things. If you find yourself easily miffed, or lack an off-kilter sense of humor, you are cautioned that it might be better for you to look elsewhere for sustenance. Try Reader's Digest, or the backs of cereal boxes.

Some of these pieces speak to the experience of --and changes wrought by-- quitting smoking. Many were written specifically for the "alt.support.stop-smoking" USENET newsgroup. They were undertaken as therapy as I dealt with the weird changes that the process of shedding an addiction wrought. It's impossible to adequately express the gratitude I feel for the people I met there, whose support and kindness helped me through those early days. These writings were done partially as my gift to them. It's the least I could do-- a quantity I specialize in...

Other pieces here are about family, friends, travels, jobs-- different situations I've encountered. Only one of these was done for hire, yet it-- like the rest of them-- is (necessarily) quite subjective. I hope that you'll find something amusing among them.

Jef. Hyde (April, 2008)

Learning to write. Oh, oh..!
Pop teaching me to read; Germany, 1955



The Stories:

The Adventures of Sausage Boy
Amtrak Nightmare
Another Stupid Cat Story
Attention, Shoppers!
Band On The Run
Be A Good Scout!
Beef Jerky Face
Beef Jerky Face (2)
"Catcher In The Rye"
Cheer The Hell Up!
Choosy Mothers!
The Christmas Pony
Cigarette Thief
Discomfort Inn
Dinner With Pop
Don't Upset Your Sister!
The Elevator Story
Eleven Steps
Fade To Black


Filthy Language On USENET
Fizzies and the Counter Culture
Heartburn: A Mini-Mystery
Horse Sense
How Stupid Can Cats Be?
How To Diminish Your Allure
I Got Dem Cat Pee Blues, Again
It Was The Tigers
It's Still Us!!
Job Requirement: S*T*F*U!
Late For The Funeral
Lean, Mean Smoking Machine
Make That... 30 and 1!
Meeting Dudley
Meeting Mister Mayall
Men's Room
Mom and Pop Vs. Hitler
Music Therapy
The Nicest Man In New York
Old Soldiers

On Upgrading to VISTA
One Of The Times I Didn't...
Reach For The Sky
Report From Montreal
Reunion
Root Boy Slim
Saving JFK
The Screaming Onion
7 Days Before The Mast
Something "Like" Service
Sunny
Thanks, Santa!
Tracy Nelson Is A Class Act
Unhappy Camper
Wayne and JoJo
We Are Not Amused
When Nobody "Gets" You
Wispiness
With One Hand Waving Free
Worst...Thanksgiving... Ever!

"An incurable itch for scribbling takes possession of many and grows inveterate in their insane breasts."
--Juvenal


"...and if reality does not meet the demands of his imagination, he just fuckin' abandons it!"
-- Tommy Tiernan


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